“Understanding” your wife
November 4th, 2009 | By Rich Shipe | Posted in Blog, From Rich, Get Involved, Men, Small Groups
I’ve been involved with a great group of guys for a Bible Study at Jon Tigges’s house. We are going through a study by Robert Lewis called Men’s Fraternity. It has been excellent. We do it from 6:30 – 8 am every Wednesday at Jon’s house.
The last few weeks we’ve been looking at how we can be better husbands and one of the key verses is 1 Peter 3:7 which reads:
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
That phrase of “understanding way” means to really pursue her with a desire to know her very well. What are her needs? What are her likes and dislikes? What is her personality? What are her strengths and weaknesses? What is her love language?
In terms of needs the study shared that there are four main areas of need that most women have:
- Security. Feeling safe and protected financially and relationally. They feel safe with you.
- Conversational companionship. Experiencing each other and life together. Talking and building relationship and sharing heart and feelings.
- Significance. She is valued and important and esteemed. An equal “heir with you of the grace of life.”
- Affection. Treasuring her with hugs (non-sexual), compliments, notes, saying “I love you.”
Ok, guys, here is an assignment for you… (This is the same assignment assigned to us in the Bible Study) … Set a date night with your wife and ask her about her needs. Do the above needs match her greatest needs? If not, what would she add? What is most important to her? And finally, ask her if there are ways that you could improve in meeting her biggest needs. If you do this kind of thing and do it regularly you are on your way to “living with your wife in an understanding way.”
One final thing, are you in a small group or discipleship relationship of some kind? If not you need to get yourself into one. God’s design is for his body to grow together and not in isolation. If you are serious about your personal sanctification then you are serious about the Body of Christ, the church.
